Got told my fantasy world felt like a grocery list and it clicked

I was showing a friend my story draft set in a made-up place called Veridia, and he said 'cool, but it reads like you're listing items from a menu.' He pointed out I'd named six types of magic rock in one paragraph without any feeling. So I cut it down to two rocks and wrote about how the main character's hands shook holding one. Has anyone else had a note that made you strip things back like that?

3 comments

3 Comments

juliaa251mo ago

Oh man, that grocery list note is brutal but good. I read somewhere that Stephen King calls it "killing your darlings" and it's the hardest thing to learn. Your shaking hands detail is exactly the kind of thing that makes a world feel real instead of like a textbook.

elizabeth_williams3mo ago

Oh man, that "grocery list" note is the best kind of painful. My first draft had a family tree so detailed it needed its own appendix (which, let's be honest, no one wanted). Cutting it down felt like throwing out my favorite toys, but then the actual people in the story finally had room to breathe. Your fix with the shaking hands is perfect, it turns a rock into a feeling. We all need that friend to tell us when our cool ideas are just, well, a list.

the_river3mo ago

Started reading my dialogue out loud. Realized half my characters sounded the same. Now I just mumble conversations to myself in the car like a normal person.

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